What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
