My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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