My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Houston, we have a squirter
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
