All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
