Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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