You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
