she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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