i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
