Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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