I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
