My brain says no but my pants say off.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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