I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
