i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
