I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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