My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
