its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
