Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
