The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
