we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
