my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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