I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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