I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
