so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think my moral compass just broke
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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