can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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