I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
