Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
