Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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