nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
