you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
