if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
