textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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