If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
