I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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