The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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