A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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