My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
