I should be sponsored by Trojan
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
