I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
