I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
