I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
