maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
