Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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