it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
