How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
