soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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