Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
