Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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