so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
