shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
