sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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