Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
