Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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