I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
