Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
