Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
