dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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