she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
