is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
