'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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