so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
